What yoga pose will make this kid listen?

Jul 11, 2019

What yoga pose will make this kid listen?

Embodied Education

Thanks to a new study getting fabulous publicity, yoga is making its way into classrooms everywhere. At Mind Body Health Associates, we’ve long recognized the importance of bringing the body into the educational setting because of the way it is intimately connected to our brains. Children, especially, need their whole body to be engaged for maximum learning to occur.

Our in-house yoga instructor, Michele Minehart, has worked with school districts offering yoga as part of their professional development, both as an experiential practice and as interventions for test anxiety. Education is eager to implement these simple tools that utilize the power of mindfulness. You don’t need to get your RYT 200© certification to reap the benefits of helping kids move their bodies and pay attention to their breath. If you’re looking to add a few tools to the toolbox, here are some suggestions:

Start with breathing. Ask your kids to take a big breath before starting the next activity. Our classrooms are filled with hurry and taking a brief moment in the transition will help them to fully arrive at the next activity.
Give it only 2 minutes. Let go of ideas that you need to devote an hour of classroom time to yet another thing. Science says that 60-90 seconds is all that is required to return an activated stress response (fight or flight) to one that is ready to learn. A few deep breaths with arm movement followed by a standing forward fold, or a balancing pose on a day you feel fancy, is plenty for them to begin.
Name your targeted outcome. You’re probably not looking for kids to be able to wrap a leg around their neck. What are you looking for when you institute some form of classroom yoga? One of the most noticeable benefits is behavior change, specifically in the realm of self-regulation. You can create a habit with the children to take a deep breath when they’re angry before responding by practicing taking a deep breath while they’re not angry; over time the habit will develop.
Remember: Where the attention goes, the energy flows. Some kids may not like the classroom yoga because new things are frequently scary things (this is the body’s protective reaction). You could meet reticence. That’s okay. Don’t use your energy trying to convince the apprehensive students. Instead, direct your attention to the ones who are participating and appreciating the experience. Success is the best PR, and the kids who are more slow to adapt will eventually want to join along.
Practice what you preach. You don’t need to join a fancy studio, but you can intentionally find ways to mindfully move your body. Walks in nature and running are great alternatives, especially if you already have a practice. A home yoga practice can be led via youtube or free apps (Michele recommends Down Dog; therapist and yoga instructor Rachel Tincher loves the practices available on Amazon’s Audible).

Kids have a BS sniffer and can sense if you don’t believe what you’re saying. Integrate the idea of moving your body as you notice your breath and the present moment so that you can teach the tools with honesty and integrity.

Trauma in the Classroom

Jul 11, 2019

Trauma in the Classroom

“He just won’t sit still, always trying to escape to the bathroom or sharpening his pencil or something.” “She cannot keep her hands to herself!” “We caught him stealing again.”

Thanks to ongoing training in many school systems – Findlay City Schools, to name one – teachers have come to understand that the negative behaviors experienced in a classroom setting, specifically among younger children, are often the direct result of traumatic experiences. More and more, we find teachers able to vocalize that a student’s challenges aren’t simply due to intelligence or even poor decision making. Science has strong evidence to show that early exposure to emotional abuse, neglect, or other adverse childhood experiences shape the development of young brains and bodies differently than those of children raised in healthy and well-resourced households.

Recognizing the impact of trauma is a large and sometimes arduous first step in the journey toward helping children find health, and it necessitates its own training. (For more info on adding that to your school’s professional development, contact us.) As teachers and community members, we can – and should – offer empathy and support to these young people.

We can use our roles as leaders to offer students something beyond sentiment and referrals (both of which are critically important). We can offer them learning spaces that emphasize autonomy. We can teach them tools for self-regulation, and we can help them acknowledge the messages that the body sends to the brain in an attempt to protect it from future harm.

Holly Schweitzer Dunn, LISW, who has worked with teachers and in numerous school systems throughout her career has found several elements to be helpful for the personal and professional development of our society’s nurturers.

Don’t take it personally. It sometimes may seem as if a student is deliberately testing your boundaries – and she/he might be! But this is crucial in his/her ability to build trust in you as a caretaker. It’s possible to be loving and firm at the same time, and the best way to do that is to remember that this has nothing to do with you as a person or as a qualified educator. Testing boundaries is typical behavior for students, especially from those who have experienced inconsistency with the adults in their lives. If you focus on the student-teacher relationship, learning will happen. In clinical language, we’re focusing on healing the disrupted attachment the child has experienced with caregivers. Once the child knows you can be trusted the ABCs and 1-2-3s will fall into place.

Prepare the container. The brains and bodies of individuals who experience trauma work differently than those who are more accustomed to healthy environments. A traumatized brain signals more quickly and more often that it is in potential danger. This is the body’s way of keeping the person safe. This is helpful when there is an actual threat; however, the body reacts even in non threatening situations when there is only perceived danger. Among other behaviors, this presents as test anxiety, acting out, shutting down, and hyperactivity in the classroom. There are several simple mindfulness-based interventions available to assist children (and adults!) in returning the learning center of the brain to full functionality.

Self-regulation is key. Biologically, we’re wired to follow the energetic and emotional lead of those around us. We’ve all had non-classroom examples of situations where we can sense a person’s anger and feel our own physical reaction to it: perhaps listening to a patron berate an apologetic waitress or walking into a room where a couple has just had an argument. Our own throats go dry and hearts beat a bit stronger, right? We are, as Brene Brown teaches, creatures wired for connection. Young people are especially sensitive to the emotions of those around them. Interacting with individuals who have experienced trauma requires calm and centered responses. As a leader, your work is to be aware of your triggers so you can respond to challenges instead of react out of habit. Simple mindfulness exercises, when practiced outside of challenging situations, are more easily accessible in times of stress. When you do become emotionally activated, knowing what helps bring you back to a place of centeredness is essential to maintain your own self-regulation.

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Boundaries: From swaddling to schooling, they find comfort in consistency

May 15, 2019

Boundaries: From swaddling to schooling, they find comfort in consistency

Early in the parenting journey we experience just how important structure can be to a new baby: for some infants, the act of swaddling brings a visible relaxation response. Every family has its own lore about the baby who needed the snug safety of a car seat or would only slumber while in the arms of a loving parent.

Children press into these boundaries, and by encountering a loving pressure, they find safety and ease of their surroundings. They relax enough to finally sleep.

While children eventually outgrow their need for a swaddle blanket, they maintain an inner (and even exterior) craving to know their boundaries. They push against the structures we provide to test their durability, and, perhaps, test the durability of those who put the structures in place. Children don’t make it personal, but much like testing the ice before stepping upon it and trusting it with your life, they want to know that the people, places, and rhythms in which they’re trusting themselves will be able to bear the weight. This is human nature, a wiring of the brain meant to protect individuals.\

Landon Dunn, LISW-S, LICDC, says, “all disappointment is unmet expectations.” Whether or not you’ve intentionally built rhythms into the spaces of your time and home, children naturally have expectations of consistency. When life becomes inconsistent children feel disappointed and unsure of the future, and that often comes out in their behavior.

Looking at structure through the eyes of a developing child, you see that structure is a safety mechanism, the psyche’s way of protecting the whole child. We, as parents, typically see a reaction against a boundary as negative because of the behavior children use to express their opinion. However, we also know that when boundaries crumble, the child internally absorbs that experience as instability and will have difficulty trusting the boundary (and the parent!) in the future.

Something as simple as a bedtime routine helps build the trust associated with keeping consistent boundaries and expectations. By building a routine of bathtime, story, snuggles, and bed, a child knows what to expect each evening. This calms a child’s sense of wondering, “what’s next?” and builds a sense of trust in you.

As children grow, boundaries shift – bedtimes extend later, structure around the day gets looser. These changes can come about with relative calm and ease as the trust that built over time through consistent and stable boundaries gives children confidence they can return to the safety of their home and family.

Boundaries are a way of teaching children: You can trust me. You can count on me. I’ll do what I say, and when you need something, you can expect me to support you.

The Power of Paying Attention

May 15, 2019

The Power of Paying Attention

From their very beginnings, our children demand, and warrant, a massive amount of attention. During the infant years, we’re paying attention to hourly shifts and changes so we can appropriately respond to their needs – does he need a new diaper? Is it feeding time again? Into toddlerhood, we’re monitoring the terrain dangerous to walking and small objects they could potentially swallow. This is the most basic way that we love our children through behavior: we keep them safe.

As children grow and develop, it might feel as if our attention isn’t required because they can finally make a peanut butter & jelly sandwich or operate the shower without fear of drowning. What parents don’t often realize, however, is that our attention is still very necessary: it simply shifts direction.

Underlying all childhood behavior is an emotional component and a need the child is seeking to meet. Unlike the newborn years where the needs are primarily physical in nature (changing a wet diaper meets comfort and health needs that also work to meet the emotional need for safety, love, and secure attachment), parents of older children must learn to adjust their attention toward the needs higher on Maslow’s hierarchy. Elements such as a sense of belonging in the family and social acceptance also drive behavior later in childhood. As children develop into pre-teens and teenagers they begin their search to meet a need of identity formation and accomplishment as they explore and connect more with their own sense of individuality.

If this feels like a lot, well, it can be! What’s a parent to do? At risk of oversimplifying, the answer is: simply pay attention. Notice patterns. One of the biggest risks of today’s fast-paced world is parenting that is “present but absent.” Our parent-minds venture toward the more obvious needs demanding our attention and begin to give less attention to the quieter, more subtle things our children still need. As a parent, it may feel good to know our child can put himself to bed on his own, and we may miss his need for that special snuggling time from young childhood where the day ended with warmth and affection. While children don’t necessarily consciously notice this, they do have an inner way of adjusting their own volume to attempt to demand our attention when we don’t give it readily. This can range in presentation from tantrums and yelling to self injury, depression, and other quiet, numbing behaviors.

At its root, in many forms, what our children want and need from us is connection. The same connection that keeps them safe and fed in the early years also builds their personal confidence and teaches them how to establish meaningful connections with others and within the world as they grow older. Giving them your loving attention beyond words, by establishing eye contact, being willing to sit at their level, and putting away distractions – even important ones – helps them to learn the skills necessary to build meaningful connections with you and with others.

In this way, over time, we learn how to respond to particular events and situations with awareness rather than being prone to simply react based on surface behavior. Take a moment to remind yourself of your child’s developmental capabilities in relationship to your expectations. Celebrate that your child is attempting to meet a need, and help him find a way to get that need met that is healthy, appropriate, and within the values of your family.

Mindful Parenting Reading List

May 15, 2019

Mindful Parenting Reading List

Our Mindful Parenting enrichment is based primarily off of two works, Parent Talk by Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller, and Everyday Blessings by Myla and Jon Kabat-Zinn. These provide the basic framework from which Holly Schweitzer Dunn, LISW, shares about understanding the role of the parent in the parent-child relationship and offering specific tools for responding to common frustrating parenting situations.

If you’re looking to expand your personal summer reading library, or are just wanting to know what to borrow from the local library, here are a few of our office’s favorite titles related to raising children.

Parenting with the Brain in Mind by Dan Seigel

The Incredible Years by Carolyn Webster Stratton

Reviving Ophelia by Mary Pipher

Ghosts from the Nursery by Robin Karr-Morse and Meredith S. Wiley

Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves by Naomi Aldort

The Blessings of a Skinned Knee by Wendy Mogel

Am I Messing Up My Kids… and other Questions Every Mom Asks by Lysa TerKeurst

Demanding Obedience vs. Building Respect

May 15, 2019

Demanding Obedience vs. Building Respect

Previous generations often emphasized obedience in children as the ideal outcome of parenting. This arose from a hope that children would respond to a parent’s directives, as opposed to having a rebellious attitude. Ideally, however, at the heart of a child who responds to a parent’s instructions is not blind obedience but rather loving respect.

How do we find this balance between obedience and respect? Is balance even possible, or are these two concepts mutually exclusive? Most parents agree: they do not wish to have a child rearing approach that even remotely resembles that of authoritarian dominance. Most don’t want to act like prison guards. And yet, many also feel an approach which values listening, patience, and responsivity will be “soft” and result in children who are entitled, lazy, and spoiled.

Positive parental attention and strong boundaries guide children’s behavior toward cooperation. When a child’s emotions and needs are validated by his parent the child can trust that his parent recognizes the challenge of the situation and will remain alongside him within that challenge. Validation leads the child’s mind to then more easily shift into solution-seeking behavior independently without the need for the parent to tell or demand the child to respond in a certain way.

Though parents may not be thrilled with the solution the child has found, validation allows for the avoidance of a power struggle. The opportunity for more teaching between parent and child exists. The key, however, is that the child begins to find solutions to his or her aggravating problems with loving and firm guidance, rather than only listening for directives from authorities. Children are taught to think through and consider the consequences of their actions rather than just react to make their parents happy.

“Being a good parent does not mean your child acts the way you want all day, every day, in all situations,” says Holly Schweitzer Dunn, LISW. Far too often, parents use their children’s behavior as a measuring stick for their own parental abilities rather than allowing them to simply reflect the moment or situation in which the child is living. Even good parents have children who make mistakes, push boundaries, and misbehave. This is often far more reflective of the child’s developmental stage, personality, and the very human experience of overcoming obstacles than it is about “soft” parenting.

Parents desire a trusting and mutually respectful relationship with their children that includes children responding to parental directives without questioning parental intentions. However, we must remember that children, in health, question everything as a means to learning. We see this behavior from infancy through adolescence: the baby putting dirt in her mouth to learn what is edible and what is not, the child questioning why he must go to bed at a certain time when he is not yet tired, the teenager questioning how far she can test her curfew boundaries. Parents can honor children’s attempts to learn by taking their own inquisitive posture to power struggles within family dynamics.

A few practices that could be helpful when exploring respect:

Utilize your own “beginner’s mind” to ask questions about the situation rather than casting judgment upon your children. Why is this important to my children? What is my role in this situation?
Cast a sense of respect toward yourself. Honor your own emotional limits, and when needed, take a break – tap out to your partner or give enough energy to diffuse the situation and return to it when you have more emotional capacity.
Teach children what respect looks like by offering it to them. Respect their capabilities by not asking more of them than their development allows. Model how respect is given and received, and in this, how relationships are reciprocal.
Validate, and then move toward solutions. Avoid jumping directly into a role of telling children what to do, but rather helping them think and consider outcomes for facing the challenges ahead of them.