Healthy attitudes towards sex begin early in life, and often our misunderstandings about sex are rooted in our earliest conversations about the human body, touch, and even relationships. The goal is to normalize sexual development as a natural, normal part of growing up, just like getting taller and changing interests. For example, it is normal for a toddler or pre-school age child to explore their own genitals and begin to notice the difference between male and female genitals. Getting angry and punishing this behavior gives the message that genitals are “bad” and that there is something wrong with the child, that “private parts” of the body should be ignored. Instead, answer any questions the young child has in a matter-of-fact way and help them learn appropriate boundaries for self-exploration. Reminding a child that closing the door when dressing or toileting, knocking before entering, and asking permission before touching someone else’s body are all essential early boundary lessons that lead into “the sex talk” later. These can also be generalized for family discussions on respect and personal responsibility.
Therapist Holly Schweitzer Dunn, LISW, shares a few tips on communicating with children and teens about their natural sexual nature.

1. Talk early & often. One-and-done conversations with preteens can be uncomfortable for both kids and adults. Instead, establish a regular conversation around bodies and bodily functions. By flooding a young person with all information at once, you can easily overwhelm him or her, making the conversation even less effective.
2. Use real, medical language for body parts at all ages. A penis is never a woo woo just as your arm is not a dinglehopper. Proper terminology reduces a sense of shame around both language and the body.
3.  Own the awkwardness. Acknowledge any discomfort or embarrassment by either children or caregivers.
4. Communicate from a place of openness and watch for shame-focused language. Avoid referencing “dirty” body parts or behaviors, such as masturbation.
5. Creating an environment where decisions can be processed and discussed in a non-threatening way is essential. Know that children naturally push boundaries. A child or teen may know your family values/beliefs while making decisions that do not seem aligned with those beliefs.
6. Practice smaller difficult conversations with your children before you dive into the bigger issues. This serves as practice for both you and your child and sets the template for how your family addresses important things.